Friday, October 20, 2006

My Non-English character

I have a Non-English character that I like to play these days to make life harder for the lads. I generally make little sense to them, and it gets them quite frustrated. Some little nuggets of general exasperation -

  • Mark Pullen writes - How are you doing, i understand your plight but i don't know what you want me to do for you, i have asked you to fill and send back to us your verification form to enable us process your claim and i also explain the word (next of king), if you don't know what to write in place of next of king, i will advice you leave it blank. Soon as we receive your details, we shall start processing your claim.
  • Charles Udo writes - what kind of explaination do you want again after that i have told you all that you are needed to do since i have been in contact with DHL Courier Company in respect of the despatch of your draft send me $250 for me to send your draft immediately
  • The Sankoh's wrote - We have waited for your message and became discouraged, we even taught that you have forgotten us. now you have to come again with your questions? and if they all sound okay, then we shall start the business talks with you Immediately.
  • Shehu says - How are you today i got your mail a long time but i must say this.I have been mad at the way you talk to me that is why i have not wrot you any mail. Remenber the first day i wrote you i ws talking about the diamonds that i have that are in the security company and you said you will help me and now you dont cear if you want to find out if what i tell you is true then you can come and help me get them to you country for sell. Please find it in your heart to help me if realy you wish to help. I beg you contact me as soon as you can because i do not have much time to live the diamond in the security company.
  • One Lotto Company writes - Once again congratulation, but i want you to know from now unward that without you filling out this given form there is notting this office can do to transfer your winning fund down to you ok. So i will advice you to fill out this form and call me for more informations ok.
  • Barrister Samuel writes - This going one step forward and two step backward will take us anywhere in this transaction if that is the attitude you will continue to indulge yourself with. This is the last time i will have to say this, is either you comply with all i have asked or quit and stop wasting my time.
  • Tony complains - IAM SORRY TO HAVE WRITTEN TO YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME.COS IT IS LIKE YOUR NOT THE RIGHT PERSON THIS MONEY SHOULD GO TO.BECAUSE MY BOSS TRANSACTED BUSINESS WITH MR NESSA AND HE WANTS TO COMPESATE HIM NOW.MAYBE YOU ARE NOT THE RIGHT MR NESSA.HAVE A NICE DAY.
  • Diplomat Evans writes - Dear Eve, Please don't write me any mail again cos you are not serious at all.i ask you to call the payment dirctor in Belgium and i give you the number but you refused to call him and now you are telling me that i fuck you up why? You gave a number that do not exist and i called more than six times it was running into an answering machine,if you are seriuos to coolect your winning call mr G.Williams on the number i gave to you in Belgium okay
  • Benjamin sends us this riveting information - Next of kin means your wife or brother or sister or father or mother.
  • Matilda says - if you are not serious about this deal you let me know so that i can know my stand then giving me confussion words
  • A fake bank writes quite professionally all in caps ;) - WE DONT KNOW WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT DIDNT YOU INSTRUCTED SOMEBODY CONTACT THIS HONOURABLE BANK,SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, IF YOU BOTH ARE NOT READY WE DONT HAVE TIME TO WASTE FOR ALL THIS QUESTIONING AND DELAY TO DUTY. NOTE;THAT WE WILL NOT LONGER TREAT YOUR MAIL BACAUSE WE CAN SEE THAT YOU ELSSO AND HAMZA ALI,ARE KNOW TAKING US FOR GRANTED.I YOU BOTH ARE READY FOR THE TRANSFER LET US KNOW.

And finally this poor lad has been to collect his monies at Western Union.. :) It was a real but very small transfer that I sent ages ago. What I did with it was call Western Union and ask them to stop the transfer, which leaves the status on their website as "Funds available for collection" until they actually try to go and collect the funds in person.. The scammers *do* check the WU online site and won't stir out of doors unless it says "Funds available for collection".

DEAREST PARTNER MARIORA,

I VERY SAD, I WENT TO WESTERN UNION TO CONFIRM THE PAYMENT THIS MORNING WITH THE PROPER INFORMATION YOU SENT TO ME NOW, BUT THE WESTERN OFFICE ATTENDANCE TOLD ME THAT THE FEE WAS PICKED UP BY ON KNOWN PERSON YESTERDAY, SO I FELT SOO BAD ABOUT THE INCCIDENT, AT THIS POINT I AM WRITING TO YOU I AM CRYING NOW,BECAUSE THINGS ARE VERY DIFFICULT.

MY DEAR I FINISHED I DONT KNOW WAHT TO DO, IF YOU CAN RESEND THE FEES AGAIN, I WILL BE MORE GREATFUL TO ENABLE ME CLEAR THE CONSIGNMENT FROM THE SECURITY WARE-HOUSE TO ENABLE THE DIPLOMAT BRING THE CONSIGNMENT CONTAINING THE 15M POUNDS IN YOUR CARE FOR SHARING AND INVESTMENT.

MY DEAR MAKE SURE YOU SEND THE MONEY THROUGH THE SAME NAME AND ADDRESSS, WHEN SENDING THE FEES AGAIN YOU SHOULD MAKE SURE YOU GIVE ME THE CORRECT WESTRN UNION INFORMATION TO PICK IT UP BERORE THE BAD POEPLE WILL TAMPER IT, BECAUSE I DONT WANT US TO BE A VICTIM AGAIN.

MY DEAR NOTE THAT ANY MONEY YOU SPENT WILL BE PAY BACK, BEFORE SHARING OUR MONEY SO YOU SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT, TRY TO SEND ANOTHER MONEY SINCE DELAY CAUSED ANOTHER PERSON TO PICK THE FEES YOU SENT BEFORE, YOU CAN ALSO GO TO THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE TO VERIFY THE WRONG PERSON THAT PICKED THE MONEY FROM THERE OFFICE.

SEND ME YOUR MOBILE NUMBER SO THAT I WILL TALK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.

I WILL BE WAITING YOUR REPLY,
YOURS PARTNER
COLIN MATHEW

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