Stop this nonsense! Get Serious!

• Pay up or shut up - AM WRITING YOU MY LAST EMAIL NOW AND HOPE YOU WILL STOP TALKING NON -BUSINESS JARJONS WITH ME. IF YOU ARE READY TO REMITT THE FEES PLEASE FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME. YOU HAVE MY TELEPHONE NUMBER YOU ARE FREE TO CALL ME IF YOU ARE A SERIOUS MAN.
  

• After only 3 emails - FBI HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS DEAL,AND FOR YOUR INFORMATIONS WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO WEST WITH YOU BECAUSE WE HAVE SOME MANY PEOPLE TO ATTEND IN OUR OFFICE,BESIDES YOU KNOW THAT THE PACKAGE WAS DEPOSITED BY SOMEONE ON YOUR BEHALF,SO IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTION YOU CAN ASK IT TO THE DEPOSITOR, SO IF YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO SEND THE FEE AND HAVE YOUR PACKAGE DELIVER TO YOU,THEN YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT IT OK
  

• After 27 mails - well , since i have been telling you things about this fund and is like you dont want to believe me , can you please come down to ghana so that you can pick the fund your self becos i am tired of writing you and you are not doing any thing concerning the fund ok.i am tired of sending me mail and me sending you mail too ok.
  

• My friend, please l do not entertain the remaining questions you asked me, it looked unserious. lf you know that you are not serious, immature and incapable of handling this transaction, please you can backout and do not email me again. This is not a child's play as you can see the amount of money involved which cannot be toiled with.
  

• WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY PAID THE MONEY WHEN YOU KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU HAVE NOT DONE THAT. PLEASE BE SERIOUS WITH THE TRANSACTION.
  

• If you know that you dont want to provide me with your full contact information so that i will be able to call you on phone,please kindly forget about this transaction and dont write me again because i am not playing childs play with you okay.
  

• Yes i said it because the number you give me is not real,have be trying it to get you know way,is that the way you do your business,yu have to communicate for easy understanding.am a straight forward someone that is why i do my things straight.so if you are serious please give me the necessary things.your proof of identification and your real phone number or you call me so can talk.then i we go ahead to get the necessary document for you to send it to the bank.hope to see your seriousness.
  

• Your mail message to me was recieved but i want to let you know that your mails you are writing to me is not encoureging and i hope you are not trying to joke with me or something. Ofcourse this is real because a man of my age cannot be joking with this kind of transaction to you so i will need you to tell me if you are serious about doing this business transaction with me or not. I also try to call you but the operator told me is a wrong number can you please re cofirm you again.
  

• Now I know you are NOT serious with the business
  

• YES YOU ARE DAILY FOOL NOT MONTLY FOOL,AS I CAN FIND OUT THAT THE FUND IN QUESTION DID NOT BELONG TO YOU NOW I FIND OUT THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THIS PEOPLE THAT STONING OUR FUND OUT OF COUNTRY. WELL I HAVE TO MAKE A POSITIVE PLAN ON HOW TO REPORT YOU TO US POLICE. IF YOU ARE STILL A DAILY FOOL KINDLY RESPOND URGENTLY
  

• Why do you choose to be beating about the bush. Go and make the payment into the account I have given you so that we can conclude this business without further delays.
  

• I really dont understand why you do the things you do ? its really unbelieveable you dont want to give me a chance to understand you i have done all i need to do as a friend and you still do the way you do why dont you make me understand you and make this work better. We are talking about an approximate of over $24 million dollars and you are making it sound like this with all i have done.
  

• I don't understand the kind of human being you are, you never been seriouse in what you do, did you think this is a child paly or joking matter.
  

• Its Ok Mr, but always remember this that a bird at hand worth two in the bush, who's money are they going to give you mine that i have solicited, i see you are a very unserious and a dubious man to deal with i dont care who you send the money to and i dont care what they tell you.But always remeber that you will not get the funds from Nigeria not now that i am still alive they will use your funds your resources and you and you will have yourselve to blame and get this straight dont contact me again unless you are ready to do business, i dont bloody care what they tell you and dont forget too soon you wont get this funds its a promise.
  

• if you cannot believe me,you can't believe anything. i felt that you are the right person for the transaction because you have proven it since your communication with taylor till i came in to put things right. for now.i will just leave you to this but i must remind you that you caused this amnesia you are about to have for not taking a wise decision at appropriate time.
  

• What's my gender got to do with it? - I am in receipt of your mail.I can understand that you are also a woman.How do we go about it?How old are you?In the alternative,can you provide a man out side Britain to stand for you?The person must both reliable,and un-questionable.I wait for your response as time is not on our side.Thanks,and God bless you.

If you don't want to be scammed...

Peter Moses gives some sage advice about how to not be scammed -

NB.THIS IS NOT SCAM OK.IF YOU DONT WANT TO MAKE CLIAMS KINDLY WRITE TO US OR YOU SEND TO US YOUR NEXT OF KIN SO THAT WE CAN SEND THE CLIAMS TO THE PERSON.

More Mail

Here's another selection of mail from the lads ;)

• Mr. Williams James explains where emails come from - MR.POWELL TOLD ME THAT HE WILL BE SENDING YOU AN EMAIL
  THROUGH HIS EMAIL CONCERNING THE TRANSACTION.I WRITE
  TO ASK YOU IF YOU HAVE RECIVE HIS EMAIL.
  
  THANKS YOU AND GOD BLESS
• Paul Peters - we are here by to informe you the latest developement political problem base on the toxic west dump in the country since last 2weeks that broks out as result of crisis which you may be aware of .
• James Dale whose business associate seems to be bipolar - Please kindly contact my business associates and try to ascertain if he is still ready to complete this transaction on my behalf because he is confused and having double mind . It is only after confirmation from him that I can be more comfortable to provide you with any additional information .
• Mahimouma Brou doesn't like what I'd been sending - May the favour of our Lord remain in you forever
  and ever.
  i dont have time to chat with you
  GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMIRI ABONDANTH
• Ralph Larry - I don't understand you , I,m looking for who will help us transfer our late father's fund robert larry and save us from suffering here, we have no helper , we don't even go to school, so we are looking for who will help us transfer our father's fund to his country and at the same time help us invest this fund, a reward of 10 percent after assisting us.
  so if you can't help us contact the lawyer , kindly leave us so that we will look for who will help and not adding sorrows to us.
• Peter Frank - However , i am not getting the content of your mail clear because in many
  paragragh you used agdage that i do not why it comes in this, A house divid
  it self cannot stand .
  I have earlier identitified myself to you as the Head of the of the Accounts
  and audit Department of this Bank.
  If you prefer email to email all is ok aand fine provided that you will keep
  this transaction secret and confiodential .
• Barrister Okon.Esq - I TOLD YOU THAT BEFORE I STEPPED INTO THIS MATTER I WILL BE CALLED BY THE BANK AM WORKING FOR.ARE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OVER MY FEES? PLEASE I DONT WANT TO ABUSE THE LAW OF THIS BANK BECUASE THEY APPIONTED ME TO WORK FOR THEM.
  
  NOW THAT YOU INSISTED THAT YOU WANT TO KNOW MY FEES, DEAR YOU WILL PAY ME £35 PER HOUR OF MY SERVICE SO I BELIEVE NOW THAT YOU WILL KNOW THAT AM NOT A GREEDY LAWYER.
• Peter Frank, on my proverbs - I always fumble when trying to pick up the proverbs you always use in your
  letters, i believe, you must be a good orator.
• Moses Adam, saying adieu - you are no body
  so bye
• Tamrat Dale - Concerning your marriage life, We out grow people, places and things as we unfold. We may be saddened when old friends say their piece and leave our lives, but let them go! They were at a different stage…. And looking in different direction, they never really were yours.
  There are people that leaves our lives that sometimes is for your great Good. When Samuel woke up to painful reality that he would not be seeing Saul regularly again as a king, he was very sad. Then God thundered to Samuel early one morning (1samuel 16:1) ‘how long with thou mourn for soul seeing I have rejected him? That same question is being sent across to us in so many circumstances. Let the past go! 100 boys cant stay together for 100 years. Did some customers and old friends and relationship leave your life? Let them go! New ones are coming! No body can hold your life to ransom. Trust God! The seeds of a tree matured at a season, fall and scatter to various directions to form their own life! Such is life also!
  
  Your were born went to school, met new friends, and today many old relationship have been interrupted by marriage, or job location etc. the facts is the process of meeting new friends and new helpers is an un ending circle, it never cease.
  
  It’s a law of life and that’s sign of maturity/progress on your path. Stop crying and brooding over the past.
  
• Barrister Okon (again) - PLEASE YOU HAVE YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE, I NEVER PREVENTED OR SAID THAT YOU SHOULD NOT COME DOWN TO MY OFFICE SO PLEASE WATCH YOUR MOUTH.
  
  WHAT AM AFTER IS WHEN EVER THE BANK CALL ME UP FOR DUTY IS WHERE YOU WILL SEE ME OR MAKE COMMENTS ABOUT THIS TRANSAFER.I HAVE SENT YOU MY FEE PER HOUR BUT ON YOUR RESPONSE YOU DID NOT MADE ANY COMMENT ABOUT THAT.
  
  ARE YOU SURE OF WHAT YOU ARE CLAMING? I CANT UNDERSTAND THE TYPE OF HUMAN BEING YOU ARE, PLEASE YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR SELF VERY WELL.
• Laura Hooper, explaining how her lotto works - Is a pleasure answering your questions as that is one of my priority.
  
  Regarding your questions, You email address was gotten from an internet
  email address generator software and was attached to the lucky number which
  was sent to you by our notification office. And the email address was
  choosen at random from the software and yours appeared to be one of our
  winners.
• Mahim Ali, on my proverbs again - Once again, thank you. Are you a Literature student or a Poet? You use does words very good. Do apply and get back to me.
• Barrister Sam Kaddy Egbo (Esq). - Please Madam, I will advice you to accord this transaction with the TOP MOST secrecy to avoid any lickage until you recieve the consignment by following my instructions and to ask any question in any area you are missing out. I am very open to attend to all questions coming from you.
• Jerald Lawal - Many thanks to your mail, I am sosorry if my mail are
  so long for you to read, but in a business as this,
  you need to realy understand in totality what the
  business entails.
  
  There would have been no need for lengthy mails if
  only we have been talking on phone, though I will try
  to call you today.
  
  There will be some expenditure between us and that is
  what Ineed to discuss with you.
• Water Dorman And Sister. - We do not know how to appreciate your acceptance to help us secure this inheritance and have it secured in the account you will provide to the Bank. We think that sending it through Jpg attachment scanning will be more secured as you suggested.
• Yusuf Bello ain't too happy - MY FEELING TOLD ME THAT YOU ARE MAD SO PLESAE GO TO WHERE THE MAD MEN ARE TREATED SO THAT YOU WILL BE ALOS BE TREATED MONKEY LIKE YOU FOOL
• Prince Fayed doesn't understand how to dial apparently - I dont understand you quite well i have called you but i wasnt able to reach you i guess you have provided a fake number
  
  So dont disturb me .
  
  Prince Fayad
• Mahim Ali, again - I only want your assistance and occupying that space, to prevent the fund from passing under our nose into the hands of some greedy fat belly men. If you have money, fine. That is you Kate, what do you think about someone else who feeds from "hand to mouth", I hope you are not making fun of me Kate. I believe God gave some people wealth to help others stand on their feet. It does not matter the age. We have a saying in our land that, "If a small child, washes his hands well, he will eat with elders".
• Peter Daobry apparently uses homing pigeons to send his emails - I AM REALLY SORRY FOR NOT CALLING,I WILL STILL KEEP ON TRYING .I DO NOT HAVE A COMPUTER.
• Once more from Mahim - Thank you. You are good with words but, let me know how much you need to know about me.
  I am not an essay writer.
• Stanly Abuchi - l got your mail and it seems that you are a joker.l told you what you are suppose to do but you are just kidding.
  lf you are serious do what l told you and if you want to know anyting concerning the money go back to my first mail to you.l am not happy on the way you are handling this deal as l believe that it is better for me to look for an alternative.
  thanks
• Mahim answers the questions posed to him that he was wondering about above - My dear, my fears is, my trusting in you and your cvredibility. For the transaction, I have no atom of fear because, all is in place waiting your co-operation.
  I have a computer at the office, when I am home, I go to a cyber next to my street. I do not really understand your "bunny rabbits", unless its what my last daugther enjoys watching on TV. I am not tripped by that.
  Kate, if you talk about earth, it is a wide-range issue for an individual. I have come to know that, at the end of the day, everyone of us will come to a state where, we cannot reach out to others help.
  Which is to say, we have to do the best, at the best time we can. Earth, is going to face a great change in future, following political and religious changes in the system. Earth for me, should go on revolving, while I have to do my best for myself and my generation to come.
  Like I said earlier, delay can be dangerous. I demand to know your willingness to assist me and if so, kindly apply.
• Tamrat Dale on household appliances - On your questions, I do not have a washing machine, again, ever since my wife died, my favorite book is my King James Version of holy bible. Yes I do have a deep freezer in my kitchen. Finally, I like water leaf vegetable and punk leaf.
• Jerald Lawal gives up - I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THIS!!
• Laura Hooper (from some lotto) gives good advice - The said lotteries you won are quite strange to me but i would advice you to
  please do not respond to their emails for now. I also advice you to stop
  every communication which you have been carrying out with them for now.
  Regarding the Pills and others, they are Junk mails, i call them adverts so
  you can delete them.
  
  Have you notarize your cashier cheque?
• Jerald replied to the mail I sent him with this - I realy cannot say if you are serious or not but I am
  going to give you the benefit of the doubt by calling
  you, if I cannot call at the time you mentioned I will
  do so your late evening believing you will be back
  then.
  
  If you have a cell phone let me have it, that will be
  easier to locate you at any time. I also advice you
  talk seriously as you know this transfer is not a
  child's play, we are talking about money big enough to
  change anyones life.
• Rev Simion George - We have perfect roads here and it will be great to having you come over here.
  
  Well talking about speedboat that too is a matter of choice if you need it then you go ahead and buy but if you do not need it is up to you.
  
  For the laptop. I do not have one.
• And our friend Mahim - I have heard you and I think I how you an apology, but I tried calling. About global warming dear, I am not the type of person that, allows environmental changes to determine my livelihood.
  No dear, I pray to my God before going out, whatever happens to me, negative or positive, it has what it wants to teach. I do not have anything to say about Global warming because, whatever I say, will come after me and will be written.
  Meanwhile, how are you. I will call you and do not go getting disappointed soo quick, remember you are a lady. I will communicate and if you find it in your heart to give me a mobile Iine, I will appreciate it, else it is between 4am and 8am, is it everyday dear?
  

More funnies

They're fed up with me! -

• Do not ever contact me in your life., you are inresponsible Human being.
  

• I have told you many times that we don't have much time to waste or delaying this transaction and you keep on asking many questions which i have tired to answer.
  

• WE ARE NOT READY TO ATTEND TO YOU UNTIL YOU DO THE NORMAL THING,IF YOU ARE READY TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND,THEN FEEL FREE TO CONTACT US,BUT IF YOU ARE NOT,DO NOT BORDER YOURSELF TO MAIL THIS OFFICE AGAIN.
  

• As i was told you ealiar, no need to waste time on it,
  

• why are you asking all this question. (it's called scambaiting my friend!)
  

• If you are not ready to call or send your telephone number to be called, then forget about my co-operation since I do not know if I was dealing with a ghost (the funny thing about this is, I always send a telephone number in the first mail!)
  

• Thanks for your mail and please like I told you last, do not write me again if you will not provide your contact numbers. Untill I talk to you will I consider going into business with you again but till then, lets call it a quit (as above)
  

• Listen i have explained everything in details for you
  

• Animal, stop deceiving yourself---idiot
  

• Thanks for your email since i have severally written to you but mabe the email transmission was not through, also we have to instantly proceed to wrap up & thats why i still want to prove to you that this is not a kind of game, joke or a child's play. (the lads love to tell you that "this is not a childs play")
  

• Thanks for your mail and would appreciate your answer of my question as this transaction is taking more time than required I must confess to you My Dear Sister okay Madam. (oh, am I not being scammed quickly enough for you?)
  

• I decided to cut off communication with you since I understands you are taking this very matter for playing sake and I as a human do not have such time.
  

• sorry, i was very sick and am tired of this life nobody want to help me, and am in the process of laying my life because their is no hope since you refuse to help me. I told you to call me or contact the bank where the money is but you refuse you keep on sending me a proverb, it not fear on me, kindly help me if you want to,
  

• I have not contacted you because you kept sounding as if I this transaction is a childsplay. Below is my previous mail , please read it again carefully you will know exactly what is delaying this project .

• All the emails i get from you is blank so i don't know what you have writen that's the reason why i have not replied you. So what informations am i to help you with. get back to me ASAP so i can asist you
  

• YOU ARE A BIG IDIOT
  

• stop hoping been geting you adited ok, there are documents that covers this six consignments ok . there is not thing to be scared of. please i am tired of all this please please i have got alot things to do here if you are not ready just let me known and stop wasting my time on this ok. your next reply will tell if i will reply you again on this ok, becos i cant be wasting my time just like that for unnessary things like this . (now that's what we scambaiters live to hear!)
  

• I can see you never change and you will always remain the deceptive person you potray, i didnt ask you all this rubbish where is the funds for the processing ? that is all is required know do i understand your game, but am sorry i cant play i have other serious business to do, if you must know the documents have been procured today by Mr Zhang my Korean Partner we have commenced the Transacton without your assistance you can be rest assured that you will never get a dime unless you work for it. I would have to go now as i dont deal with unserious people like you. Felix (I wonder then that you took the time to write this lovely mail to me? :) )
  

• Am so disappointed with your last mail.If you are intrested in this transaction then i believe you would have called me and not telling so fool story about people i have never heard about. If you are good to go please call me for i don't know any of this people and i have nebver heard of then.
  

• I hope you know that I am not here for a child play but rather for a business if you know you are not ready to assist me, kindly update me so that I can look for someone else that can assist in this transaction.
  

• I am not sure of your intensions in this transaction because of your duggy behaviour and as a matter of fact, you must send me a copy of your internationalpassport as well. Without meeting the above request, we cannot do anything together. (WTF is duggy?) ;)
  

They can't reach me! -

• I have tried to get you on phone but always on Answering machine. Please furnish me with your phone number.
  

• Extra note: You should know that the phone number you wrote was unobtainable. Please provide a workable number.
  

• sir, i belive this is my last email to communicate with you because i have not speak with you on phone because every telephone number you give to me always on answering machine. so i realy want to be serious with you not joke ok
  

• Yes, you gave me your number but it's always on answering machine as i have tried so many times to call you.
  

• I have tried calling you several times on the number you gave us but the number hasn't being through. I will call you again on phone so that we can have oral discussion and if at all you have a direct phone number please do not hesitate to send it to me so that I can get through to you to enable us discuss the modalities of this transaction. (another favourite word of the scammers)
  

• I have called your number several times and no one have ever picked the phone, it has remained on answering machine.you know that this transaction requires sincerity and trust.since you are ready to conclude this transaction with me, give me a number where I can get you any time I call you Again why cant you address me by my name, I dont understand your parables. I am waiting.
  

• I recivied your email, i called but no answer you should give me a call so we can talk about your prize
  

• GIVE ME A VALID PHONE NUMBER SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU.

• I cannot get hold of you on phone. Are you willing to assist me or not? I want a straight answer please.
  

They're afraid of me! - They should be!

• what money you will want to send via western union? please i dont understand and if you cant explain to me please kindly stop communicating with me. am afriad of you now. because i contact the company they said they have reply to you so i dont understand you email when u always send to me. who is mark fish?

I seem to be upsetting a lot of scammers lately..

• Err, ok then - for your information you have to check your attachment and see the my international pass sport, Elviva am confuse let me tell you use your tuongh and count your teeth horry up and send the money , do as i told you to do ok. dont write email to those people ok because they want to scam you, open your attachment and see the my international pass sport
  

• After he's sent me 23 emails over 23 days - PLEASE GO AWAY I DONT NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE ANY LONGER
  

• Ouch that sounds painful - Thanks for your email qs i wish to express that i am not & never aware of this said Morin Davidson with the thus email as you stated, any funds transfer of the equivalent remains totally in my care thats why i am advicinng that you shall not send him any 5,750USD for any payment because i dont send him to you. Just send me his full contact and some of your corresponding email discussion with him so that i can investigate him & instantly get back to you with his real profile so that you can be guarrantee of his genuiness to avoid involving you in a critical goverment probe . I remains your lovely as i will need an instant feedback from you .
  

• You should not be confused because my transaction is genuine and not fake one. I have warned you to stop dealing with those imposters and follow my advice to enable us complete this transaction and you keep on following their advice. Well i want you to try and send the money and see that there will be no other payments. You will never regret of knowing me or dealing with me. I will stop sending you message today if i did not receive the payment slip from you. Stop listening to those imposters, They will finish you and even kill you.
  

• Scammers will say anything to get you to do what they want you to do. Here is a good example - I send the calvary greeting with tears in my eyes as i wrote you a message concerning my life as i have been expecting to hear from you and know what will be your responce towards this busnnes. May i know why it took you so long to respond to me as you know that all our efforts is lied in your hands for now .please i want you to know again that , i would like you to try all you could nad make sure that the money is in your possession and if you should aloow this consignment to be here in africa ,it will cost us a lot to retrieve this again ,i know that the will of God will be done but our destiny still lie in our hands so do not fold your hand and what this glden opportunity pass us by. Meanwhile, please in the name of God i beg of you to allow me die of hunger while in the hospital ,i can not see why i should have such amount of money and die of hunger.
  

• Oh come on, make an effort here! - I get your message this morning uk time i dont know the airport to meet please i will like to meet with you at the hotel because the airport is too far from my office is better you get to the town first before i can meet with you and i will want the money to be paid into my account as well please get back to me okay.
  

• Well, that's really the definition of baiting.. ;) - You are still not going direct to finalizing this transaction,you are still asking one question a million time and speaking in parables which is not necessary in this issue. I needed some one who does not know me or know my friends, some one that can keep secrete of this transaction both now and after the money have been realised. Let me have a number where I can talk with you.
  

• You're more than welcome - THANKS FOR INSULTING ME JUST BECAUSE I AM A POOR SECRETARY WELL YOU IF YOU FILL LIKE SENDING THE MONEY TO THEM THAT IS WHAT LIFT FOR YOU SINCE YOU CAN NOT TAKE MY ADVICE SENDING MONEY TO THEM FOR WHAT CHARGES WELL EVERY THING CAN HAPPEN BUT GOD WILL IS WHAT ARE GOING TO BE DONE NOT BY MAN POWER YOU HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFULY BECAUSE OF I DO I KNOW IF YOU DON'T LIKE US TO BRING YOUR MONEY THROUGH DIPLOMAT WE CAN LET BANK (C.B.N) KNOW ABOUT IT AND THEY WILL TRANSFER YOUR FUNDS TO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT, THAN WESTINE YOUR TIME WITH SO CALLED(Ben Morgan WITH HIS GROUP WHAT A HELL SCAMER) IN FACT IF YOU DID NOT TAKE MY ADVICE YOU CAN NEVER EVER GOT THE MONEY AS FOR I AM THE ONE TO SIGN YOU FUNDS REALESE ORDER I AM NOT ASKING YOU TO SEND MONEY I ONLY ADVICE YOU WHAT TO DO SO THAT YOU CAN COLLECT YOUR MONEY SO IF YOU LIKE TAKE MY ADVICE AND RECEIVE YOUR MONEY BUT YOU SENDING MONEY TO BEN OR WHAT EVER YOU CALLED THEM IS ON YOUR ONW RISK THANKS.
  

• I bet you do, my scammer friend, that is, praying I will pay you money so you can buy new BMW's and gold chains! - thanks for the new number i hope this number will work because i realy want to speak with you regarding this matter as a true believer i know am with the right person to receive our fund, sir you did not need a green card before helping what you have to do his for you to contact the security company as my new beneficiary who want to stand to receive the consignment boxes, i promise you sir we are going to suceed i always put you in my prayer 24hrs a day about this transaction and i belive we are going to suceed. because my fund is a clean and clear money and you are the only person knows about this fund since we cannot find my former beneficiary so please for GOD kindly keep this confidential. i will try to cal you once i have a calling card on my phone.
  

• I have some documents and pictures which I would have sent you in other to assure you of this but your behaviour does not show me your seriousness and I see it as exposing the indept of this transaction unnecessarily. I willonly send you documents when you provide me with your direct contact telephone number and I call on that number and really get hold of you. I do not see any problem in your providing your contact number and hiding it means that you don't want to come clear and clean in this transaction which signifies some iregularities in what you claim to be. I will recall the consignment back from UK today and if in future, you come clean, then we can proceed from there. Please if you don't provide me with your direct telephone and fax numbers, there will be no need for you to write again as I will prefer we stop further comunication so that I will start looking for some one else.

Another unhappy lad..

In a long, long line of unhappy lads.. ;)

BLUNDELL,
I HAVE NO PERSON WHO ASKED YOU TO SEND MONEY TO HIM.ANY MAIL OF SUCH MUST HAVE BEEN GENERATED FROM THE SYNDICATES WHO PRETEND TO BE DIFFERENT PERSON WHILE IT IS ONE PERSON,ONE GROUP.

WHO EVER WROTE YOU MENTIONING ME IS FAKE AND I HAVE NO ONE I HAVE ASKED OR WE HAVE DISCUSSED THAT YOU SHOULD SEND MONEY TO.

I WILL ONLY WAIT TILL WHEN YOU WILL KNOW THE TRUTH OR WHEN YOUR EYES ARE OPEN.

BEAT YOUR CHEST AND SEND WHATEVER MY PERSON TOLD YOU IN A MAIL AND I WILL PROOF TO YOU THAT SUCH PERSON IS NEVER MY PERSON AND WILL NEVER BE.
LARRY.

He also mailed me to say - and this one actually says an awful lot about how these scammers work -

i wish you well and you should mark this day.these people will continue to demamd money from you till you are recked and you will never get a cent as they promised you that they will send to you.one story will lead to the order all in order to collect money from from you.you are involved in a syndicated circle of criminals stationed arround the world working with one purpose,collecting money from you and sharing it from nigeria to madrid to god knows where they are writting you from.

get ready to sell your property because their story will be endless and one must lead to the other.
good luck.
larry.

Priscilla Queen Of The Desert..

This lad seems to be a little unhappy with my character Priscilla.. :)

Dear Priscilla,
Thanks for remembring me again.
This is to let you know that you let me down and am not happy about the whole thing.
You took granted and not only that,you insulted before the the Reserve Bank Director.
I was having in mind of establishing a relationship with you that would have last till death do us part,but you proved to me that it would not work.
However,if you are still intrested with the transaction,speak to the Reserve Bank Director about it and come back to me.
Another thing is this,If you dont want  me to invoved in a business like this,look for a way to get me out it and make my life a meaning.
  I know for sure that you are cappable of making me a prosperious, just as you are prospering.
Waiting for your urgent reply.
N.B.Could you please,furnish me with your direct mobile phone or you can call me at any time of your choice.
Steve.

Well it seems he got my name right :)
ear Kidder,
 Thanks for your mail and how are you today?,Actually, you do not need  a Social Security number to complete this transaction, anybody asking you to provide a social security number must be a criminal, be ware of them and do not let them distract your focuss.
 Please, tell me what time exactly do i get you on phone as i have tried a million times to reach you on phone.
 phillip.

I implore all Americans to follow his advice.. :) Don't give it to ANYONE! Not even the IRS or your employer or all that kind of people. They must be criminals!

I know everything..

Shakespeare? :)
SINCE YOU REFUSED TO SEND ME UR FULL INFO AND GIVE ME UR COOPERATION; BESIDES, U SAID U KNOW EVERYTHING: I DO NOT WANT TO DO MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING: I NEED SINCERE AND TRUST WORTHY TO DO THIS DEAL WITH: OF COURSE TO SPEND MONEY IN THIS VENTURE TO SUCCESS. FOR UR CONTENTS OF UR MAILS SO FAR; U ARE NOT PREPARE
 TAKE GOOD CARE OF URSELF
 OK

Well named man

This just in -

Do you think a wise Dog west its time with a little rat in battle?

I have lots of things to do and people i deal with. if you are serouse over the continue of this transaction, You send me your full details as i asked you to do.

GOOD DAY

Bruce Ego

I think a wise Dog knows how to spell :)

All it takes

to upset a lad sometimes is just a swear word or two.. ;) I sent him this -

What do you mean you can't read it? I put the damn thing on there and now you are telling me that you can't see it. I will send it again. I suggest you use a different computer to try opening this file. It should be able to be opened by any decent computer.

He replied with this -

I received your rude email and i wish to inform you that we do not tolerate any form of abusive words on this lottery programme as it might lead to your disqualification if it happens again.We are not responsible for the payment of winnings delivery fee needed for the parcel delivery which contains the winning cheque.We organise this programme to enhance unity among microsoft users around the world.To make you beleive this lottery winning and claim procedures, i will have to. winning certificate for you to see and come to the fact realisation that this is not a lie or a fake but a real and legitimate lottery winning.I will send you the winning cheque and certificate as soon as you reply to this email
I look forward to your email about the payment.Have a wonderful day

ROFL at the unity among microsoft users bit.. :)

I messed with him..

I'm going to post a bunch of the good mails I got from the lads as I am going through my mails today. So be prepared for a deluge ya'all! ;)

Dearest mum Helling,

In my mother tongue one says truth makes eyes red but don't break them.Instead of telling me nonesense tell me you have no means to help me.

You are not honnest at all to me and to GOD.Are you human being? Have you an heart?Do you mind?Do you already see an African orphan situation?What a hell did i do you?

Now,your game is over never contact me again.Why do you still write to me if you don't believe to me.Ok,take a plane and come to see my situation here in Abidjan with all your sense and tell me the contrary.

If you can't come here or can't send me money it is finish,do not contact me again.What must i show you to get confidence in me?

I repeat,see you are not honnest: i call you,let you message on your machine several time but you never try to call me back.You are really devil,bad and what else.One day your conscience will ask you what you did to me.

Don't write me again with those kind of insults; i swear,you will get my death,pierre-maguerite death on your conscience for ever and your will pay for that at the last judgement.Even not here but,i'm sure we will meet at the day of last judgement and you will see.

Don't contact me if you can't come here or send me money ok? Finish,have you child?I pray for them because if you die,they will also face the hell despite you are white man and live in u.k don't die but remember that even the rock will disappear.

That is the last,

Pierre.

Well, what the hell you did to me was try to scam me. :) That's why I have wasted your time for a month. ;) Looks like it really messed with your brain ;)

Bleeps everywhere.

Oh wait! I'm getting a shitload of bleeps! All my names are belong to lists! Surely the FBI will figure out who and where I am now? ;)

Attn: Lissa,

I do not know what I have done to you, why are you stealing my money, remember you promised to be honest okay, be cool and act right orelse i send the FBI after you and if you are smarter than the FBI I will have to come for you by myself.

Sir, I dont joke with my company funds.you are with my money and you must release it if you must live long.

Dr.Charles

Funny, I don't know any men called Lissa.. ;)

Coming soon to Safeway: Legal Advice

I've been baiting some lotto lads, and there is this one barrister who seems to think that my character thinks that a law firm is found down Aisle 3 next to the pickled beets and canned pineapple...so I present a chronological timeline of this fellow's partial opinion of my character's actions regarding his lottery:

13/9 - This chamber inform you that this is not supermarket matter is better for you to stop write this chamber again untill you make the payment.

16/9 - We are notify you that this chamber is not a supermarket, so follow the instruction so that we can serve you better.

21/9 - Subject: Warning: This chamber is not Supermarket

We are notify you that this chamber is not a supermarket, and the Hon Barrister A.B.AWANEBI is not roadside lawyer which you can approch like that, is better for you to come down to accra Ghana for your winning prize,and stop mail this chamber again.

23/9 - This is last warning for you this chamber is not supermarket, without you follow the chamber rules and regulations dont ever mail again.

29/9 - Just like you are not serious on this claim your winning prize, this is the last warning for you that this chamber is not a supermarket which you can prize and sell.

24/10 - Warning:

Dont ever mail thisn chamber again unless you make the payment, this chamber is not a supermarket.

This is how I responded to that:

Dearest Abiodun Awanebi,

I really appreciate and understand your email.

If He does not destroy you, then within a heartbeat, the ceiling will explode in incandescent fury. A brilliant pulse of light and heat will be felt as He arrives. GIVE ME MY MONEY NOW!

YOUR GREAT NEPHEW WILL DIE OF DEATH HORRIBLE IF YOU DO NOT GIVE ME MY MONEY!

Behold, thou shalt be mocked by eunuchs, O thou armpit of Satan! You will be defeated in every engagement you take part in and in every assembly you attend you will be spat on and reviled. May the devil take you by the heels and shake you.

Carve the peg by looking at the hole. Think of the Web as a big bathroom wall. And everyone has a marker.

May The Force Be With You

She's back, my friends

Our good friend the Tyrant has a lad on the hook - only this time, Sephiroth is taking over the Tyrant role, and I do the occasional voice call.. He's gonna publish it on SB soon and it's worth the wait, we got some fabulous pics from the lad today.

In other news, this just in caps - Beware The Hackers!

GOOD DAY MR. CLARA,

THANKS FOR THE EMAIL, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS COMPANY DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIS CONTACT THOSE ARE THE INTERNET HACKERS THAT ARE TRYING TO DIVERT YOUR FUNDS SO DO NOT CONTACT HIM ANY MORE BECAUSE HE IS TRYING TO STEAL AND DIVERT YOUR FUNDS.

WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT WE DONT KNOW HIM HE IS A HACKER TRYING TO STEAL YOU MONEY AND DIVERT YOUR FUND SO DO NOT SEND ANY MONEY TO HIM THAN TO THIS COMPANY FOR THE PROCESSING OF THE TRANSFER OF YOUR FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT BEFORE ANYTHING SHOULD HAPPEN TO YOUR FUNDS, I WANT YOU NOT TO RESPOND TO ANY EMAIL THAT IS NOT FROM THIS COMPANY AND THAT DOES NOT HAVE THIS CODE ON IT.

CODE: 12345, GOD BLESS YOU

LASTLY THIS COMPANY WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY LOST OF YOU MONEY AND FUNDS IF YOU FAIL TO FOLLOW OUR INSTRUCTIONS AS WE HAVE TOLD YOU NOW, BELOW IS THE INFORMATION WHICH YOU ARE TO USE IN MAKEING THE PAYMENT OF $980 AS SOON AS WE HAVE THIE CONFIRMED YOUR FUNDS WILL BE TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.

NAME: FRED MICHAEL WALE
CONUTRY: LAGOS/NIGERIA
TEST QUESTION: HOW ARE YOU
ANSWER: FINE
AMOUNT: $980

YOU ARE TO GO TO A WESTERN UNION MONEY OUTLET OR A SUPER MARKET TO MAKE THIS PAYMENT TO OUR CRIDET CONTROL MANAGER INFORMATION AND AFTER THAT YOU ARE TO SEND THE INFORMATIONS WHICH YOU USED IN MAKEING THE PAYMENT AND ALSO THE 10-DIGIT CONTROL NUMBER FOR CONFIRMATION AND PICK UP.

RIGHT NOW WE ARE READY TO MAKE THE TRANSFER OF YOUR FUNDS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT, BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY AND SEND THE FEES TODAY FOR THE PROCESSING OF THE TRANSFER.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAR FROM YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
OLIVER WILLIAMS.

NB: WE NEED YOU DIRECT PHONE NUMBER FOR EASY COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING.

So if the other guy is a hacker trying to steal my funds, what the heck are you up to wanting me to send $980 by Western Union? ;)

More Funnies

Here's a collection of the mails I've been receiving from various lads over the last few days -

• Usman Bello - I receive my credentials from heaven , I receive my law degree from inside God , my rank is in house of God in heaven , I hope I have clear you
• Morine christioan dickson - but i promise to call you if i can be able to borrow some money from my felow refugee girl friends. but please i want to know weather you have received any reply from the AMERICA STATE BANK please because i want to know what the bank director will say please .
• James Peters asking to be serious - Good day,please note that I am not in way willing to be engaged in endless e mail , please if you really feel you read my e mail very well before contacting me then you better you live up to expectations otherwise we call it a quit afterwards the end will be for our benefit so i cannot be begging you. Go back to my first mai to you.
• Morice apparently has had enough - Thanks for your polite insult.Not one human on this planet is stupid.I am above such abusive idomatic expression.Is better you say good bye.
  Thanks
  Morice.
• Lennox discusses my plan to get a learjet - I received all your emails. Good a thing you are making plans to further a Career in Aviation. Apparently,It is a lucrative sector. Are you planning to go commercial like Brand son or you intent to fly for leisure? Learjet is quiet an Expensive airplane.
  
  He also doesn't like questions - I received your mail. Your questions are quite enormous at this time. Funny enough, you always have questions to ask when you have not taking time to answer mine. I should be more curious about knowing you better.Than you questioning my position in this project. Hence, i will decide to suspend further disclosure about myself till you are able to offer me the answers I DEMAND.
• Susan is either a lesbian or doesn't get that i'm playing a female - Honey
  You are the very air that I breathe, the very love that I need, my heart, my soul, my everything. The sweetest of my memories come when I think of you.
  
  
  last night I dream of heaven, and I'd gotten used to the idea that they are looking for an angel, one that went missing the day you stepped into my life, the day all my sorrows were washed away and I took a step into the impossible, crossing the margin from natural to supernatural. You are my angel and forever you will be.
  The one whose memories I will treasure forever till the day I turn into an angel like you.
  you are going to help me find i job that i am going to be doing so that i can be helping you in some house bills , and i am going to be cooking your best food and i am going to be cooking some african Food for you and i know that you are going to love it
  can you be make love 3 time ever day?
  i have ask how much is going to cost for me to be with you ,and the airlines AGENT company told me that my air tickter to your country is going to cost you $1200 us dollers and this the company contact here you can call the company or email the company.
  SENEGAL AIR PORT -AGENT-TICKTER
  CEO AGENT
  MR AHMED .M
  DAKAR SENEGAL AIRPORT
  susan
• Mahim is chatty -
  I appreciate the fact that, notwithstanding the amount of people in your apartment, you still find time to relate with me, hoping you are being confidential. Actually exposing this transaction is not the case, what is there is, do you trust people to that extend?
  People might laugh with you and play with you, behind they turn to stab you. I have given myself to embark on this project, not because, I trust you or know you to disclose this information to you, NO. The board of directors do not recognise the effort we employees of the bank are making to keep the bank in service.
  The fund in question, belongs to a deceased customer. Should no one come forward to claim the fund, it will be depositted in the bank's treausry as an unclaimed fund. I want to believe you are conversant with this type of transaction, all the same, with my banking experience, I will aide you through.
  What is there now, is for you to apply to the bank as the business partner to the deceased, whatever the bank sends you, kindly and do not hesitate to let me see it, so as to give you instructions on what to do.
  Following your questions, I am a kind of solitudial person, when am not at work, I am at home reading and doing one or two things with my children. I love children soo much and part of my share of this fund, if successfully transfered, will be used for charitable homes, such as motherless babies home etc.
  I thank you once again for the reply and I hope you will let me know your decision to assist me.
  Best wishes,
  
  Mahim.
  

Today's mail.

Some more unhappy campers ;)

• Harrison writes - Hey is like you are pulling me around just for nothing you insist that i should call you but your phone number is dead i mean you gave me a wrong number and again you have my number but you chose not to call me. Well at this point let us call it off and do not border to write me again please so that i will just seek for someone more mature to get this done please do not border to mail me again.

• Graeme writes - Jasmine ,please kindly keep off as i did because we can deal together in this fund,i have already started a new plan on how i would tackle my problems,so please leave me alone for Christ sake

• Morris is not a happy man - You must be a jonky human being and i believe people like you dont deserve this package so therefore we are returning it back to the lottery Organisation and pls be warne dont ever dear in your life to mail us again unless we will report you to the FBI for them to arrest you.You must be a mad person and a fool for playing with our intelligency. Fuck you

• Kachilka advises - Please my Amflis, this is not a time to play pranks or delay, if you know that you are not convinced with this whole thing just tell me to stop this business with you, because the bank has been waiting to receive the informations they needed from you concerning this claim so that they will conclude with the fund preocessing and release the fund for transfer to your bank account. Well there is no need wasting time what we need to do now is to get the information needed by the bank, so send your own part of the money with the name i earlier gave you for the WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.

• Kevin says - IN RESPECTFUL OF YOUR MESSAGE THIS MORNING, BUT BE INFORM THAT YOU HAVE NOT FOLLOW OUR COMPANY PROCEEDURE WHICH THERE IS NO WAY THIS COMPANY WILL GIVE ATTENTION TO DELIVER YOUR CONSIGNMENT TO YOU WITHOUT FOLLOW OUR RULES AND REGULATIONS, YOU HAVE TO FILL THE FORM WHICH WE HAVE SEND SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED FURTHER.

• Rev Jim says - I was telling you that Late Engineer willing bubenik willed some fund on your behalf and you are here insulting me,what do you expect me to do,your fund has been package in the consignment since waiting for you so if you are willing you pay 4,000 pounds for the insurance cover and get your fund,if not go ahead and insult me.

• Williams states - I do not understand you that is why i am unable to write to you again, I think you are not interested and you have a lot of strange stories, because my transaction do not require many stories it is very straight and simple but you do not believe in me so why should i continue i have no reason to continue this type of business with somebody who do not regard your. I have kept the business pending until I find someone who feels the same way I do. I can continue with you if only you are willing to co-operate and understand that opportunity sometimes call but once.

• Sharon tells us some sad news - I give all the glory to God almighty who has sustained my Life to this day to write you back this mail after having undegone this Kidney Surgery which scares me. You have to promise me that you will act under my advise and instructions at all times to make this Funds to reach you successfully. You have to hasten up cos I fear I have only 62 days according to my Doctors report to live.

James clears things up - Thanks so much for your mail and I am very sorry for my late response to you. Meanwhile, I know fully well that there are a lot of scam letters floating around the global world today. But this is not one of them, and be informed that I am going to produce all the legal documents to back-up your claims as the next of kin to my late client,Late Mr Benard Tucker.

• Barrister Kruger seems irritated - What is happening is that, God should punish you.fool like you by asking me rubbish.

• Karl says - I am beginning to doubt your seriousness consigning this project please let me know if you are no longer intrested in assisting execute this project so i look for someone who is willing. I am a christian and i owe God the responsibility of uplifting people,reaching out to the life of the people,my ministry in-life is giving.Hope you can see why i can not afford to lose this project cos if this money goes to the government many life's will be uttered. To great extent i have made known to you how this project could be carried out but further relent will not bring this project to a lime light. This project is optional and if you can not send requirements needed to execute this project further communication will be in relevant.

• Yarven seems to have it all under control - How are you today and your job over there. Like the way you go about with issues know you might be asking why me for this kind of transaction, but let me assure you have nothing to fear or worry as this is not a scam or fraud, rather see it as an opportunity to be more rich in life, if not for you atleast it will go a long way to improve my lot in life.currently my country is undergoing serious economic reforms to rehalbitate our banks and industries, therefore one of the policies forbids any federal civil servants from operating a foreign account abroad.please my dear friend be rest assured we are going to follow it legally and officially to avoid any mistake.whatever question you may like to ask please without delay do ask so that we can continue to proceed to the next level’s you would know that time is nobody’s friend.

• Smith says - Thanks for your response and your effort in trying to call me. The number I gave to you is a landline and that is my office number as the case maybe. I have a mobile phone number which I did not give to you. It is less expensive to call me on my landline. Except if you want me to give you my home land line too, though I am not always at home, I spend more time within mondays to fridays. except during the weekends.

• Hamza says - i thank you very much for making my life very mysterable,i dont have anywhere to raise money for this Transaction and my properties which i have sold out.i only thought God has blessed us my this means.i never new that my life we so chattered.i no longer have a home i can know call my own, why because i have no place to lay my head.i really thank you very much for frautrating my life.i dont no how i can go to GULF BANK and tell them to give me my $1200 dollars i have paid for this honourable Transaction.

• Charles writes - well let me say here that God know's whether if this is crime or not and i think i have told you all that are needed to be done to accomplish this transaction i have told you what you will do and what i have done just believe me that way like i told you earlier

• Kelvin advises - Your Message was well received in our office that is why we are writing to tell you that you will not have any problem with the Tax Officers we are working in collaboration with theTax Officers and secondly this transaction should not be disclosed to any one it should be within you and i.

• Udo says - Firstly let me say here that am a christian and leave life by example and can't go beyond lawfull proceedure just because am trying to help you. I have told you all that are needed to be done to accomplish this task.I have told you all that i have done and what you will do just believe me that way and send the money with the infos i gave you for you to receive your draft without further delay It is very simple like abcd if you can reason with me.Once again i must tell you that when you wrote me your last email i became curious about your kind of person but whatever be the case there is no problem since am concern Simple send the western union infos to me via email after sending the money for me to proceed immediate despatch of the check to you without further delay

• Knightly says - Why noy you following my instruction? i told you to send the money fees here in nigeria by wester union money transfer, you are telling me about David Moore, what David Moore goest to do in this bisiness. you don't have to travle to amsterdam again once you send the fees here every thing will be settle ans this business will be concluded withen 28 hours from the time i got all the money finish. are you ok with me now, if so let me hear that you have start sending the money then you send me the controle number immediatly. i segest you will be sending it graduary graduary ok. waiting to hear from you urgent.
  

• Setia says - It has no bad effect, i.e., government or otherwise. This is not deal neither a dubious business, it is God missionary practicing. Mode of the business now will not attract any tax. I considered that and that’s while I dislodged the fund from Ecobank PLC Lome Togo and lodged it as family treasure in Benin. I wish to inform you that to do this charity work of God is not by force, it is self WILL, so you are free to decline if it is against your wish.
  

And finally today, a lad who has an important message.. ;) Don't pay! -

Subject: Please dont pay any money!Please dont pay any money!Please dont pay any money

Dear Flora,

Dont pay any money to Daniel or whatever he called himself. He is an impostors,he we just collect your money for nothing sake.

You are to call me on my mobile phone by evening so that we can talk better. Send his name to me with his phone number I will send him to EFCC to investigate and get him arrested.

He is a crook they are spoiling the image of Nigerian.

Please dont pay!Please dont pay!Please dont pay!

Regards,

John Aboh

Of course, I will pay, but not real money, I'll just pretend I paid which will upset him.. ;)

Let's get it on..

A scammer has just mailed me as follows -

Dear Mr William,

I have received all your mail and must express shock over your outbursts.

You have made so many alegations in respect to this transaction and have even attacked my person and my character. I do not know what you are talking about .  I don,t know how to convince you that the transaction we are doing is completely legal and legitimate. Your mind is probably confused but like I have always said, only time will tell.

But I can assure you one thing William, this transaction must be consumated to show you that, I am indeed who I am. I could not be wasting my time and money just because I want to talk to you.

William, I don"t have any reason to continue to disturb you if this was a fraud and I am very saddened by your perception in recent time. If you do wish to continue, please,go ahead and contact the security company in Malaysia immediately.

I wait your urgent response.

With Kindest Regards

Saidi Linda


I do not know how one consumates a transaction but my advice to you all is to practice safe consumation ;) Otherwise you may pick up some kind of diseases or other nasties ;)

Today's Mail

Today's batch of lad anger, confusion, and general scammer time wasting -

• Knightly says - Why are you draging me like a goat, look am no more a kid to drag me like that, if you don't want to send the money by western union then go ahead and find another alternative. I Thoght every things would be done by now you just hasitating. What i want to hear from you next is when you will send the money otherwise i will quit reply you back.
  

• Lawson states - WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR POINTS.WE HEREBY ADVICE YOU TO CLEAR UP THE AIR.
  

• Koffi seems to struggle with spelling and perhaps typing - Thanks for your mail How is ur familis how what i need from you is the informations that will eneble me to get all the document and someet your to the bank as benefishary of the Found in your Name. am hear by waiting for informations so we dont neet to west time Thanks God Bless you
  

• Christy writes - In response to your mail. Your address to this office is very rude and uncalled for. We are not affter your wealth if not carrying out our working duties. And it was my boss (Mr John Aboh)that forward your information to us to enable us create a Non residential account on your behalf in our bank here in Nigeria. Point of correction we are not grot.This office deseserves an appology from you.
  

• Rolly says - WHAT I MAEN IS THAT THERE IS $ I.6.000.000 USA AND 32 KILOS OF GOLD IS DEPOSITE IN A SECURITY COMPANY ON YOUR HERE IN GHANA . I WANT YOU TO COME DOWN HERE IN GHANA TO CLIME THE IT. COME DOWN GHANA OK
  

• Ben writes - Please find a way to understand the meaning of the email we sent to you because we do not know of another way or language to explain it. You can also let us know the language you understand.
  

• Father Clement says - may the lord bless you in jesus name amen . i called you no body picked the phone. so now have you contact the high court of nigeria .
  

• Dr Zulu says he's had enough - i will like you to stop mail BCEAO or me Dr.Zulu if you cab not do what we told you then have a gooodday?
  

• Zac says - *STOP MAILLING ME YOU ARE A JOKER, I DON'T KNOW THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, I ASK YOU TO CONTACT MR.JACK DOUGLAS BUT YOU HAVE STARTED YOUR JOKE,*
  

• Cheryl is somewhat abrupt - MAKE THE PAYMENTS
  

• Joseph states - I am ready to work with you so you have to be very fast to be replying my mails and never have you told the security company what is inside the trunk box is money don’t tell them, keep very secret only me and you will know it, Be fast because my mother she is very sick and she is in hospital bed right now as I am sending you this mail
  

• Nna says - How are you doing today? I hope all is well with you, Thanks be to God. I see you not to be sierous with the transaction and i am thinking of geting some body else to stand in your position. I will do that soonest, proof your sierousness to me and i will see what i can do.

• Martins is annoyed - I am not hear to play or for too much story or to heard from you, that you don't understand english, if you are ready for the deal, fill the application form from the bank and submit it back to the bank and wait for another step for us to take. secondly, you should call me today, so that i can believe you that you are Serious about the deal, without that forget the deal,is not do or die affear.
  

• Edward writes - How are you today,hope all is well together with your family,i write to remind you that you are delaying this cheque so try to get back to enable us discause this and know how the cheque will be deliverd to you since you cant afford to come and pick it up your self,because you know that more you are delaying the cheque is going to get expierd on 28 this month so kindly look for the mailing cost and send it to enable you receive your fund as soon as you send the mailing cost.
  

• Gareth has had enough and seems to have caps lock issues - GOODDAY,I WANT TO USE ISE THIS MEDIUN TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I WAS CONTACTED BY THE INLAND REVENUE BOARD AND I WAS TOLD BY THEM THAT YOU HAVE NOT STILL MEET UP WITH THEIR REQUIREMENT THAT YOU ONLY HAVE FEW DAYS LEFT TO CLAIM YOUR WINNING PRIZE OR ELSE,YOU WILL LOST YOUR WINNINGS. I ADVICE YOU KINDLY MEET UP WITH YOUR REQUIREMENT IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE YOUR WINNINGS DELIVERED TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.
  

• Peace writes - Yes i was the one that called to know why i have not heared from you & also that we shall discuss to feel each others voice of chat . Its very unfortunate i couldn't reach to you at the time of the call so please email to inform me why you have kept silence for the long time .
  

• Iheo writes - You were the only person in my heart after several emails from unknown people who claimed they could help me when i was going through the web sites in search of an honest person who will help me,now send for me the money you promised me so that i can settle this transfer bills please,now i need your help and you have been writing me everyday since i contacted you,so please why can't we be friends and do this deal together and share the money,please i don't want us to fight,help me now,because of GOD
  

• Wilson appears to have thought of all the angles in light of some money transfer companies starting to ask too many questions - Note : The lottery board organzation have guided some information that government of your country do not allow individual in sending money out from your country so , the money gram officals will ask you the reason of sending this money do tell them that the money you are sending is a gitf to aviod too much tax fee on you and your family. Thank you sir do this today with our receiving manager name above and send us the payment slip.
  

• Evans writes again - you are not a serious type,i don't think you really know what you are doing okay,if you are serious let me have your number in belgium and ask mr G william to call you okay

And finally, Poor Colin -

Dearest partner,

I got your mail, well I am very ill since I confirm by the western union office that the fees was paid by a wrong person, I a m very angry and tired about the inccident , however you said that you called me but my number wasn’t going through, is true because my phone was off, I was feeling bad all this time because the fees I didn’t collected, even my wife and is not happy about that.

However I told you to make a way to send the fees from International Money Gram since western union is not safe anymore, what caused all this is because you don’t send the proper information which I suppose to use to collect the fees at the first time you sent the fees, which warrant the bad people in the western union office to have chance to dupe the fees, I want you to go to the western union office and verify the wrong people they paid the fees immediately.

My dear it like a dream I can’t sleep since then, I knew how thing are difficult now, I knew how you will feel but I felt bad more than you because by now something has to be done, if I succeeded collecting the fees, therefore I want you to try to send the fees again via Money Gram Transfer with the same name location and address given to you so that I will be able to clear the consignment from the security ware-house to enable the diplomat convey the 15m pounds in your door step for sharing and investment.

My dear note that more time the consignment stays at the vault more risky it become and as well more money I spend for the safe keeping, I want you to send the 4,500 pounds immediately through money gram so that I will be able to clear the consignment , I will like you considering sending the fees in two part with the same information to avoid any more problems.

I will like you use Money Gram International Transfer to send the 4,500 pounds so that I will be able to clear the consignment immediately, as the agent that will convey the 15m pounds to your care Is anxiously waiting for the clearance of the consignment to enable him convey it to your care immediately, try to make this way by sending the fees, as you will get all your spending back as soon as we conclude this business.

I trust you and hope that you will not let me down, I shall remain in full confident on you till the end of this blessed business that will be a great benefit to the both families generation to generation, I need your full co-operation so that we can achieve this great success and have the fund on our side for sharing and investment.

I will b waiting to receive the fees as you send it, remember to detail me with the full payment information for easy collection.

Make sure you keep this business your self and pray for the success of the business, i will call you now.
Thanks and have a nice day,
Yours brother
Colin Mathew

Oh NO!

I just got a bleep, my name is on a list somewhere.. :) But which name? Whose list? If anything happens to me ya'all be real careful now, ok?

Dear Isaline
if there is any one i gave my trust is you. why then did you turn me down. you failed me but is not yet over. i still belive you can come back to me . i need update from you . please don't push me to do what i don't want to. i hope you did not forgt that i hav all your information and i have every right to do anything i want . i give you just 72 hours to keep me posted or i will call on the FBI to check on you and i will tell them everything so far. i trusted you . but you now turn at my back to transact my deal with you. hold your mind was that the will not tell me. everything you did with this men i have records so why do you hav to betray me? just like i said i have time for you and if you are no longer to handle this with me let me know i will secure a power of attorney to commence with a new interested partner but for you i asure you the FBI will get to you. this is my deal and is legit butthe way you are doing it i never liked.
get back to me
Henry Ibeh

So I might be arrested soon too, Sephiroth. Got any advice on good jails I can request to be transferred to? :)

My Non-English character

I have a Non-English character that I like to play these days to make life harder for the lads. I generally make little sense to them, and it gets them quite frustrated. Some little nuggets of general exasperation -

• Mark Pullen writes - How are you doing, i understand your plight but i don't know what you want me to do for you, i have asked you to fill and send back to us your verification form to enable us process your claim and i also explain the word (next of king), if you don't know what to write in place of next of king, i will advice you leave it blank. Soon as we receive your details, we shall start processing your claim.
  

• Charles Udo writes - what kind of explaination do you want again after that i have told you all that you are needed to do since i have been in contact with DHL Courier Company in respect of the despatch of your draft send me $250 for me to send your draft immediately
  

• The Sankoh's wrote - We have waited for your message and became discouraged, we even taught that you have forgotten us. now you have to come again with your questions? and if they all sound okay, then we shall start the business talks with you Immediately.

• Shehu says - How are you today i got your mail a long time but i must say this.I have been mad at the way you talk to me that is why i have not wrot you any mail. Remenber the first day i wrote you i ws talking about the diamonds that i have that are in the security company and you said you will help me and now you dont cear if you want to find out if what i tell you is true then you can come and help me get them to you country for sell. Please find it in your heart to help me if realy you wish to help. I beg you contact me as soon as you can because i do not have much time to live the diamond in the security company.

• One Lotto Company writes - Once again congratulation, but i want you to know from now unward that without you filling out this given form there is notting this office can do to transfer your winning fund down to you ok. So i will advice you to fill out this form and call me for more informations ok.
  

• Barrister Samuel writes - This going one step forward and two step backward will take us anywhere in this transaction if that is the attitude you will continue to indulge yourself with. This is the last time i will have to say this, is either you comply with all i have asked or quit and stop wasting my time.
  

• Tony complains - IAM SORRY TO HAVE WRITTEN TO YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME.COS IT IS LIKE YOUR NOT THE RIGHT PERSON THIS MONEY SHOULD GO TO.BECAUSE MY BOSS TRANSACTED BUSINESS WITH MR NESSA AND HE WANTS TO COMPESATE HIM NOW.MAYBE YOU ARE NOT THE RIGHT MR NESSA.HAVE A NICE DAY.
  

• Diplomat Evans writes - Dear Eve, Please don't write me any mail again cos you are not serious at all.i ask you to call the payment dirctor in Belgium and i give you the number but you refused to call him and now you are telling me that i fuck you up why? You gave a number that do not exist and i called more than six times it was running into an answering machine,if you are seriuos to coolect your winning call mr G.Williams on the number i gave to you in Belgium okay
  

• Benjamin sends us this riveting information - Next of kin means your wife or brother or sister or father or mother.
  

• Matilda says - if you are not serious about this deal you let me know so that i can know my stand then giving me confussion words
  

• A fake bank writes quite professionally all in caps ;) - WE DONT KNOW WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT DIDNT YOU INSTRUCTED SOMEBODY CONTACT THIS HONOURABLE BANK,SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, IF YOU BOTH ARE NOT READY WE DONT HAVE TIME TO WASTE FOR ALL THIS QUESTIONING AND DELAY TO DUTY. NOTE;THAT WE WILL NOT LONGER TREAT YOUR MAIL BACAUSE WE CAN SEE THAT YOU ELSSO AND HAMZA ALI,ARE KNOW TAKING US FOR GRANTED.I YOU BOTH ARE READY FOR THE TRANSFER LET US KNOW.

And finally this poor lad has been to collect his monies at Western Union.. :) It was a real but very small transfer that I sent ages ago. What I did with it was call Western Union and ask them to stop the transfer, which leaves the status on their website as "Funds available for collection" until they actually try to go and collect the funds in person.. The scammers *do* check the WU online site and won't stir out of doors unless it says "Funds available for collection".

DEAREST PARTNER MARIORA,

I VERY SAD, I WENT TO WESTERN UNION TO CONFIRM THE PAYMENT THIS MORNING WITH THE PROPER INFORMATION YOU SENT TO ME NOW, BUT THE WESTERN OFFICE ATTENDANCE TOLD ME THAT THE FEE WAS PICKED UP BY ON KNOWN PERSON YESTERDAY, SO I FELT SOO BAD ABOUT THE INCCIDENT, AT THIS POINT I AM WRITING TO YOU I AM CRYING NOW,BECAUSE THINGS ARE VERY DIFFICULT.

MY DEAR I FINISHED I DONT KNOW WAHT TO DO, IF YOU CAN RESEND THE FEES AGAIN, I WILL BE MORE GREATFUL TO ENABLE ME CLEAR THE CONSIGNMENT FROM THE SECURITY WARE-HOUSE TO ENABLE THE DIPLOMAT BRING THE CONSIGNMENT CONTAINING THE 15M POUNDS IN YOUR CARE FOR SHARING AND INVESTMENT.

MY DEAR MAKE SURE YOU SEND THE MONEY THROUGH THE SAME NAME AND ADDRESSS, WHEN SENDING THE FEES AGAIN YOU SHOULD MAKE SURE YOU GIVE ME THE CORRECT WESTRN UNION INFORMATION TO PICK IT UP BERORE THE BAD POEPLE WILL TAMPER IT, BECAUSE I DONT WANT US TO BE A VICTIM AGAIN.

MY DEAR NOTE THAT ANY MONEY YOU SPENT WILL BE PAY BACK, BEFORE SHARING OUR MONEY SO YOU SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT, TRY TO SEND ANOTHER MONEY SINCE DELAY CAUSED ANOTHER PERSON TO PICK THE FEES YOU SENT BEFORE, YOU CAN ALSO GO TO THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE TO VERIFY THE WRONG PERSON THAT PICKED THE MONEY FROM THERE OFFICE.

SEND ME YOUR MOBILE NUMBER SO THAT I WILL TALK TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.

I WILL BE WAITING YOUR REPLY,
YOURS PARTNER
COLIN MATHEW

This isn't good

I never knew that asking a (fake) Charles Soludo about pets and books could land me in such trouble! This is the email I got from the "Director FBI" after doing so:

Subject: F...........B............I

ROBERT MOULLER
DIRECTOR FBI
ATTENTION:Gudelig Becker,

You were reported in our custody by Prof. Charles Soludo the Governor of Central Bank of Nigeria. You were accused of not respecting the Governor and not showing any appreciation and regards to him. You have a contract payment of US$30.7 million Dollars with the bank, but you are not making any effort to receive your payment. You are advised to render full apology to the bank Governor, and you will be arrested for any further report from this organization. This is the first and final warning, and any further report will lead to immediate action.

ROBERT MOULLER
DIRECTOR FBI
WASHINGTON DC

I better go in hiding, I think :)

Cheque lad.

I baited a couple of cheques out of this lad, and he seems to want to come back for more.. If you look at my check gallery it's the first and second cheques.

Hello Caroline,

How are you doing today,and how is kane and others??

I am very sorry to have lost contact with you for some time now, moreover you too never bordered to send me an email to know my present situation of things,anyway i had a fatal accident travelling down to a neigbouring town trying to get some transaction completed and ever since then i have been on my hospital bed and even unable to walk yet but promised to by my doctors,i am sending you this email now from a wheel chair.

Please i will need to hear from you to know if you are still much available to give me the same assistance as usual,because i have a client that is ready to make some payments soonest,my other client that is a representative too is too greedy over percentage,even with my condition he is still finding it difficult to do things with patience.

Please endeavour to get back at me immediately as i will want to know how you have been doing with kane and the other foals even outside our transaction.

Awaiting your quick reply.

Do have a lovely day!!

Thanks.

How he can be coming back from more after having a fatal accident I am not quite sure.. this is tempting and I think I will take him up on it. ;) I have a very good idea of the story I will tell, too.

Dear Lad,

What, do you mean {some other lad} never gave you your share of the funds? The check you sent me, I banked it and just as it cleared {some other lad} sent me an email advising me you had been in an accident and that I was to transfer the funds to him, and he would make sure you got your share.

I am sorry to hear of your accident, what did you injure fatally?

Everything here is fine. I have been waiting for you to recover to see if you wanted me to do any more business for you. I bought a lovely horse float with my share of the funds, and all the horses have been enjoying it greatly.

Get back to me and let me know how I can help you going forward,

Much love and hope for your recovery to be complete soon,
Caroline

I'll get a nice horse float picture to go with it, too. ;) I think he will be a little upset as this lad will have stolen over 400 grand from him, so I will give him a lad address of my own to see how he replies to it.. ;)

Charles Douglas isn't quite sure if he is being forked with or not. He writes:

Kindly explain better to me your willingness to assist in this beneficial transaction(if willing).Is this an abuse or an indication to assist in helping out in this business.

If its an abuse then you must be stupid, because i do not have a negative intention over you. If the other way round, then am pretlly sorry and your willingess is welcomed.

He must be a diplomat. Oh wait, no, he's a banker, The diplomat is the one delivering the money to my front door.

Breaking news..

This mail just in from a lottery scammer.. ;)

Attn; Green,
Can i ask your age?are you married yet? from your language,you talk like you are a teenager. Who are you to give me orders?you said if i want to run with your money?how do you prove ownership of the winning? you expect that we will just package the money or send you a cheque simply because you mail to us that you won the prize(lotto)are you in your right senses at all?
I decided to mail you now at my free time and will call you when i want to.I dont tale orders from little and feeble minded people like you,who just talk without control.
Next time you send me such mails,you will never hear from me nor my any of my colleagues. If you wish to hear from me,what next to do,i demand an apology from your stupid ultrances.
Mark

Some days it's great to be a scambaiter.. ;)

A true classic

It comes as a surprise to me that many baiters have never read theFailure's Martins Cole bait - this one is undoubtedly a true classic. Some have said it is fake, but that is purely out of jealousy IMO.

I love the dead threats most of all. Totally classic.. ;)

Inspirational Baits

This bait isn't the one that started me baiting the lads, but it was the first one that I had read, and that was back in 2002. For the most part, this is work safe, but he does link to some (faked) photos that could be considered somewhat gory.

Presenting: spl's Soapbox: Dumb Nigerian Con-Artists

The Truth Is Out There

This bait is also one of my favourites - much more work safe, only contains some swearing. It has some fantastic trophy pictures. Great work Scamarella ;)

Where's my tin foil hat? ;)

Inspirational Baits

One of the very first baits I ever read is Jon Barry's The Sensation and Holiness Cannot be Described Yet.

Be warned, it is not a bait for the faint of heart. In fact Jon Barry warns you better than I can -

"this bait contains some pretty disturbing imagery of bodily fluids, nudity and some creatures that God didn't seem to plan for. You have been warned...."

So it's not safe for work, it's got some adult themes and content, don't let your kids click on this link and don't go unless you can handle it people! ;) Also the obvious - don't be eating or drinking anything, it'll end up on your screen when you laugh yourself silly.

Without further ado, Jon Barry's The Sensation and Holiness Cannot be Described Yet.

Please make sure to leave a comment here on the blog with what you thought of this bait!

Laddish - gotta love it at times

From the ol' e-mail today:

"Dear Friend,

Greeting to you.

I wish to accost you with a request that would be of immense benefit to..."

Well, I know one person that it would be "immense benefit to", and that's the lad. For once the lad actually told the truth with the word "accost"
This particular gem continues with:
"The English Bar considers it a breach of the oath of the English Bar. I
need not emphasize to you that the sensitivity of this issue need not be
toyed with by neglecting its confidentiality"

The only "Bar" this joker has been called to serves beer and spirits.

"I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours truly

Bennett Davies"

You won't say that after I've gone a few rounds with you, laddo.

This one is quite interesting to me, as the inital format is *very* well written by someone who is quite well versed in the African formal style of writing. Coming from (guess where?) Lagos, it's a lot better than what is normally seen.

However, it'll be interesting to see how quick Mr "Bennett Davis" slips away. I give him 5 e-mails at the most.

Stay tuned!

The Nigerian 419 Scam - What is it?

There's a great WikiPedia article on Advance Fee Fraud here. However, here is a quick borrowed explanation for those in a hurry. :)

Advance fee fraud is a confidence trick in which the target is persuaded to advance relatively small sums of money in the hope of realizing a much larger gain.

The most visible form is the Nigerian Letter or 419 fraud, named after the section of the Nigerian criminal code that it violates. Originally sent by mail, and later by fax, the Nigerian Letter is now sent almost exclusively by e-mail. A typical letter claims to come from a person needing to transfer large sums of money out of the country. As the Nigerian letter variation of the fraud has become well known, the gangs operating the scams have developed variations. The target is often told that they are the beneficiary of an inheritance or invited to impersonate a beneficiary of an unclaimed estate.

Not everyone in Nigeria is a scammer. Also, not every scam email comes from Nigeria. These scammers have branched out all over the world these days and are most commonly found in the other African countries like South Africa, Cote d'Ivoire (the Ivory Coast) Ghana and various others, as well as countries like the UK, Amsterdam, Spain, USA. Plus the East European bad types have picked up these kinds of scams and run with them now, so you have to watch out for scammers from places like Romania, Poland, Russia, etc.

The name of this scam can sometimes be the equivalent of telling people to watch out for tigers, and while they are busy looking for stripes in the forest, they step on a rattlesnake. You have to be careful of *any* email that comes to you as a surprise regardless of what country it claims to be from.

The top 10 signs that it may be a scam - click here

How do victims fall for these scams? - Read this article -

Welcome one and all!

Hi everyone.

This site is intended to be a team blog where scambaiters may join and post the funny, crazy, or downright dead threats sent to them by the lads. The intention of this site is to get the word out about these scams via comedy.

If you are a scambaiter and would like to become a team member, please email us at scambaiterhaven@gmail.com - We'd love to have anyone on the team who enjoys giving the lads grief - all are welcome regardless of which site you may frequent.